From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

(Via telegraph to Baker Street)

Dear Holmes
I take it you’ve been at the port wine again? You know, it would be nice if for once you could actually tell me where you are – I can barely recall the last time I set eyes on you and even then your own eyes were firmly fixed on the voluptuous bosom of Mrs Ness to the point of considerable distraction.

I should be pleased to receive your next missive and I trust you will not only enlighten me as to your recent experiences, but will reassure me as to your whereabouts? (I’d like to think you’d managed to find yuor way home by now).

On another note, as I’m sure you’ve read in The Times, the real Doctor Crippen and his lover Ethel Le Neve have finally been arrested. I’m rather embarrassed to admit that they turned out to be the very pair I sat next to at the captain’s table several nights ago – no doubt you will regale me with all completely obvious reasons why I should have recognised them and blah blah blah…

We shall be docking at Southampton tomorrow so I hope I can expect to see you back at Baker Street in a few days?

Yours

Somewhat begrudgingly

Watson