From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

Holmes,

How on earth you expect any form of instant response, I really cannot imagine. I received your missive last evening via your Ghillie friend two full days (according to him) after you entrusted the message to his care! As you pointed out, he was somewhat the worse for drink and given that he had to make his own way from Balmoral (in Scotland) to Baker Street (in London!)… Really Holmes, I don’t know what you expected me to do.

As I appear to be the only member of the Holmes/Watson team who has any sense at the moment, I naturally sent an urgent telegram to our detective pal Logan McCrae, who, at least, is actually in Scotland, and I trust that by now he has executed a suitably last-minute rescue and you are now sitting in the snug bar of the Tilted Wig in Aberdeen.

I am sending this response (also by telegram – and very expensive it is too) to that very same hostelry, so I would urge you to reply via the same method, confirming your rescue etc.

I might also point out that had you bothered to be at home the other day when I called round as requested, instead of going off to some ridiculous and poncy soiree (Mrs Hudson’s words) with several rather dubious members of the royal family, none of this might have happened.

Let me know when you return to Baker Street and I shall call round to offer a full examination of your faculties.

Yours, rather wearily

Watson