from Dr J Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

Holmes
Perhaps it is my imagination, but I suspect you may be thinking that this “doctor” or indeed some other person who has been masquerading as a doctor, may in fact be me. I am a little hurt that you could believe I would withhold such information from you as we have always, at least on my part, been on honest terms with one another. The explanation for this account of Wilde’s in any case is quite obvious, and I’m rather surprised you didn’t cotton on to it straight away: Wilde is purported to be writing a book based on his experiences of traversing the various hostelries, brothels and gin-houses of certain areas of Colorado during his recent American tours, which I believe is being published under the title of: Yank My Bone Ye Whiskey-Drinking Miners. I suspect Wilde and that ill-tempered Knob-jockey Bosie, were simply entertaining themselves at your expense, knowing that you would jump to conclusions.

By the way Holmes, I do hope you have been able to separate yourself from Master Douglas and that ‘psychic’ thespian Gere? The pair of them did seem rather affected by our recent adventures – perhaps a spell in The Asylum would be beneficial? If you require me to sign the necessary papers, let me know and I’ll be along with my white coat and a large needle.

W