From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Doctor Watson:
I thought I had better let you know that Miss Hedren and myself are safe and unharmed; I trust you will not be offended by our sudden departure during your slumbers – we attempted to wake you, but you were like the proverbial log.
I Did advise that another Crème de Menthe might just be de trop – but by that time, your every fibre was energised to the nth degree, and your insistence on acting out every episode of “Murder She Wrote” took precedence – your imitation of Joan Hickson’s “Marple” was consummate, and we were all agog at your “Poirot” as played by the thesp Suchet…to cut a long story short, Tippie had had a telephone call, forwarded by a certain Mr Farrell, from her daughter, Melanie, in a state of complete consternation, conveying disturbing revelations concerning her domestic arrangements – she had caught her husband, Antonio, in a compromising situation with a Mr Pitt and his good lady Angeline, a Mr Depp and his current paramour and various other members of the Acting Fraternity, and was consequently contemplating drastic ends.
Miss Hedren stated that you had had previous dealings with such ménages, and would have proved useful in the situation, but we were rewarded with nothing more than a prolonged snore and a small rivulet of drool for our efforts. I admit that I had no idea of this facet of your previous existence, but thought it best to remain silent, and let Miss Hedren call the shots, as my own rather cloistered life in that respect put me at a slight disadvantage.
I will send you further details as and when I am able,