From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Doctor Watson:
How inconsiderate of Mrs Watson to relapse in to one of her ever-more-frequent Episodes, just when our latest Investigation had begun, thus requiring your Departure in order to be at her bedside, apropos her hysterical demands for your Presence…never mind the fact that this entails my being left with the insufferable nincompoop Jellaby. I swear that I may commit Murder myself, as his interminable outbursts in rhyming couplet form are driving me to distraction. How much more can one man take?
Earlier this morning, we had just sat down to a rather presentable spread of Kedgeree, Summer Fruit Compote and a nice piece of Toast with Home-made Marmalade and Quince Jelly, when two of The Children happened to walk by the window. Without missing a beat of his Jelly-spreading technique, our host carolled out, in that infuriating sing-song manner – “There they go, do come and see! – a pair go by, past you and me!”
I tell you, man, it was all I could do to restrain myself from strangling him with his own dressing-gown cord…silk tassels and all…I would almost have put up with Mrs Watson convalescing at 221B as an alternative Hell on Earth, in order to have the ground open up and swallow the blighter whole. I avoided 20 years of Hard Labour by excusing myself from the table and taking myself on a brisk walk to further acquaint myself with The Situation.
Yours, fervently hoping for Mrs Watson’s Recovery – or at least enough of it to ensure your Speedy Return.