Tag Archives: Elliot Ness

Straws, for the Grasping of…

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

The Los Angels Hilton, California

My dear Holmes
The messenger called this morning to let me know that, yet again, you have declined my dinner invitation in lieu of that of the Family Ness. Had I not known you better, Holmes, I should imagine that the object of your attention to be Mr Ness’s lovely wife and that you are somehow attempting to woo her with your vast knowledge of tobacco varieties, or some such tosh. (I trust we are not to witness another one of your “lost weekend” scenarios when you will eventually turn up somewhat the worse for wear and sporting several unsportsman-like venereal diseases?)

No matter, given your apparent lack of interest in this investigation I have taken it upon myself to examine a few theories of my own:

1. As the Black Dahlia’s (Elizabeth Short’s) severely mutilated body was completely drained of blood, I have been looking at the possibility of a similar scenario to that adventure of ours known as The Vampire Who Went Down to Sussex and Came Back Again.

2. Another hypothesis is that our old rival “Jack the Ripper” has re-emerged here in Los Angeles to continue his reign of terror. My reasoning for this is the ¬†nature of the multiple cuts on Short’s thigh and breasts, where entire portions of flesh had been removed. In addition, the body had been washed and moved into a specific pose, so that her hands were over her head, elbows bent at right angles, and her legs spread-eagled.

3. Finally, the look of sheer terror on the victim’s face could be due to another of our old adversaries, “The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town” (who obviously would also have moved to Los Angeles to continue his reign of terror, etc etc).

If you can pick holes in any of these, my friend, please do, as any input from you whatsoever would be nice. Seriously, old bean, this case is driving me mad – if you could shed a morsel of light on the shed door after the horse has bolted, sort of thing (yes I know, I’m mixing my metaphors again), I’d be eternally grateful.

Yours hopefully

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Posted by on November 10, 2013 in Detective Fiction


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The Elliot Ness Monster

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq: 

My Dear Holmes
My thanks for last evening and the copious quantities of whatever it was that sent me into one of the deepest and most satisfying slumbers of my entire life! Please thank Mrs Hudson too for slipping her tasty crumpet into my waiting orifice just at the right moment.

I will ignore your comments about my good lady wife and press on with my news. I do have some recollection of our various discussions the other night, so I have taken the liberty of deciding on the case which I judge will best make use of our talents.

The Florrie Nightingale affair (vampires and so forth) seems to have been taken up by that teller of bloodsucking tales and all-round good sorts, Mr Bramuella Stokermoker (though I believe his publisher has insisted he shorten it to just Bram Stoker). Given that the missing sugar merchant has now been found in the arms of Lillie Langtry, I think our best bet would be to put our minds to the case of the Black Dahlia.

I have telegraphed Elliot Ness in regards to this affair and have this morning received a reply. As Ness is now somewhat run off his feet chasing the well-known gangster and nude ballet dancer Alfonse Capone, he would be most obliged if we could help out with the Dahlia case.

I have booked us onto the Pan-American “Yankee Clipper” which I understand is a 29-hour flight. The plane leaves from London Airport tomorrow evening, so I suggest we organise ourselves and meet at Baker Street late

Don’t forget your passport.
Yours, Watson

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Posted by on November 8, 2013 in Detective Fiction


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