Tag Archives: Madame Arcati

Very Blithe Spirits…

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

Glad to hear you are back to normal, Holmes – you do seem to have encountered a series of unfortunate events recently. Here’s hoping we can shortly resume our normal activities

Also, apologies for not replying last evening – Mrs Watson had me in a rather vulnerable situation for most of the night and refused to cease her exploratory activities even though I shouted, nay – screamed, our agreed safeword (unicorn) for several hours. Eventually, she recalled that we had in fact changed the word from our previous phrase (No, Please Sherlock!) as it proved too long to say with a gag in one’s mouth.

Anyway, I am now recovered from the ordeal and the focal point of my wife’s actions has now returned to its normal function, so I shall pop round to Baker Street this morning. I trust Mrs Hudson’s tasty bites have not all been gobbled up?

By the by, I do have a bit of news concerning what was to have been our engagement with Charles Condomine and his recent apparition: it seems that the poor fellow was killed in a freak accident when his car ran off the bridge near his house. Madame Arcati called me just now to say she believes the spirits of his dead wives (two of them, apparently) may have colluded in arranging some defect with his car, but quite frankly, I think the woman has finally lost the few remaining marbles she may have had.

My scribblings on the case so far are hardly enough to warrant one of my usual articles in The Strand, so I thought I might pass my notes on to that old wag Coward – I bumped into him the other day and he declared that he ‘could derive more dramatic action, dear chap, from a wet phart in a pissing contest than anything I’ve penned all fucking year’. Perhaps he’ll be able to turn it into one of those stage plays he used to be famous for…

Needless to say, we no longer have a case to investigate, so we can perhaps relax for a few days until something new comes up.

I’ll send a boy round with this and will join you shortly.


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Posted by on July 6, 2014 in Detective Fiction


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Spirited Away…

From Sherlock Holmes Esq to Dr J Watson:

Watson – I am aware that we are due to visit with the fellow Condomine, regarding the disturbances chez lui, which he believes to be caused by his wife…who has actually passed over to The Other Side, as our friend Arthur would say…but I have just received an urgent telegram from a chap, declining to give his name – simply stating that he is one half of The Dangerous Brothers or some such…a Variety Act, perhaps…who requests our services in attempting to solve the mystery of the recent disappearance of his other half (of this association); he claims that they had been residing at an address in London, along with several other persons, and he is convinced that one of the rooms in this building is actually a Portal to another dimension, in to which he believes his partner has unwittingly strayed.

He concedes that we might find this Idea to be somewhat preposterous and highly unlikely, but he is adamant that this is the case. In the event that he should turn out to be an escaped Inmate from Master Douglas’ Institution, or some other poor, deluded soul, I request that you come prepared with sufficient supplies of Narcotic and Sedative drugs to do the necessary – and No, I am not talking from Self-Interest here, in case your naturally suspicious antennae have started quivering….these fellows can have considerable strength when cornered, as you well know from our several and varied forays in to these areas…

Also, this diversion will thankfully delay our Dealings with Madame Akari/Arkati whatever the Devil the woman’s nomenclature… no doubt the ridiculous creature will certainly pop up at some point in the proceedings…

Your friend, SH. 

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Posted by on June 10, 2014 in Detective Fiction


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Away with Murder…

From Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq:

(From the diary of Dr Watson)

After the excitement of possibly facing yet another threat to our continued partnership via the odd band of villains known as The Black Moriartys, I have to admit to being a little disappointed to find Holmes had solved the case of the Green Bicycle Murder. Our pal Marshall Hall, naturally enough, was having none of it and is convinced his client Ronnie Light is a shining beacon of innocence, so much so that he point blank refused to even consider Holmes’ theories.

“The man’s a fool,” muttered my companion as we settled ourselves into our carriage for the journey home. “Can’t see beyond his own self-importance.” (I almost pointed out that Holmes is on occasion a victim of such pretensions himself, but thought better of mentioning it – I can always add something along those lines as a footnote to what will eventually be the published account of this adventure in The Strand Magazine). Instead, I offered platitudes along the usual themes of reputation and experience and eventually my kind words lulled Holmes into a restful sleep.

It may be that someday the world will recognise the guilt of Mr Light and my friend’s conclusions given due consideration, but as always, Holmes is already thinking about our next case: a telegram arrived at the hotel as we were leaving, inviting us to the home of one Charles Condomine, who apparently is having some problems with his dead wife. No doubt that awful charlatan Madame Arcati will turn up, as the house is very near her own residence. (I haven’t mentioned this last detail to Holmes since I can imagine his response…)

We should have a little time to recharge our detectivational batteries before setting out on what I shall title The Adventure of the Man Whose Wife Was Already Dead. Or something along those lines…

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Posted by on June 8, 2014 in Detective Fiction


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